Derek Zoolander VS Zohan Dvir (Zoolander VS You Don't Mess with the Zohan)


“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” 

‒Ralph Waldo Emerson

Derek Zoolander, the world-famous male supermodel turned accidental assassin conspiracy stopper.

Zohan Dvir, the former greatest Israeli soldier turned hairstylist.

Once the greatest in their respective fields, these two legends searched for something more meaningful than the lives that made them icons. But despite trying to leave their old lives behind, both found themselves dragged back into worlds of conspiracies, exploitation, and absurd chaos. Beneath the ridiculous hairstyles and airheaded personalities, however, lie two surprisingly capable men whose greatest strength may actually be their sincerity. Will Zohan Dvir make his opponent silky-smooth? Or will Derek Zoolander prove he’s really, really, ridiculously difficult to kill? Let’s settle this debate once and for all, and find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE!

Before We Start…

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Before getting into this blog, we want to address something directly. This matchup involves a character from You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, a movie centered around an Israeli soldier. Just because we are discussing this film and character, it is not an endorsement of the Israeli government, the IDF, Zionism, or the ongoing violence and atrocities committed against Palestinians. We recognize that the real-world suffering occurring in Palestine is not fictional, not detached from media. We also understand that Zohan is a politically charged movie whose depiction of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict has been criticized for trivializing or flattening real oppression and violence into comedy. Ignoring that context entirely would be irresponsible. For that reason, we want to make our stance explicit: we oppose ethnic cleansing, genocide, apartheid, and the killing of civilians. We stand in solidarity with Palestinian civilians and everyone suffering because of the ongoing violence and occupation. If this subject matter makes you uncomfortable or if you feel this matchup should not have been covered at all, we completely understand and respect that perspective.

Research (all pirated): Don’t Mess with the Zohan is just a single movie, and we even tracked down the script and commentary to support the feats shown in it. Zoolander, meanwhile, has three movies: the original Zoolander, the awful sequel Zoolander 2, and the somehow even worse and barely acknowledged Zoolander: Super Model. Wait, what??? Yeah, Zoolander actually has a cartoon movie. It was originally planned around 2011 as a series of short animated episodes meant to release online, but that idea got scrapped midway through production. Instead, everything was stitched together into a single 84 minute movie, which first released on Netflix in the UK and Ireland in 2016 before finally getting a wider release in May 2020 during the pandemic. It might be less grounded than the previous movies, but it’s still an actual sequel that seemingly takes place after the first Zoolander movie (given Matilda is alive and the events of the second movie likely are an alternate timeline), not a dream sequence or anything like that. And since it’s basically the only thing keeping him competitive here, we’re compositing Derek so both of them can actually fight on somewhat similar footing. More on its crazy shenanigans during the analysis. Special thanks to Garf, he made a lot of the custom images in the blog this time, as well as ThiccGrimes for joining us today in this 100% completely planned blog.

Background

Derek Zoolander

“The original Greek word for model means ‘misshapen ball of clay’.” Derek’s quote might be completely wrong, but it perfectly summarizes his journey. Derek Zoolander was considered the greatest male model alive, a celebrity whose absurdly handsome face and signature looks like Blue Steel turned him into an icon across the entire fashion industry. But beneath the fame, Derek was painfully empty, with his entire identity revolving around being attractive. After losing the VH1 Male Model of the Year award to the rising star Hansel McDonald, his life immediately spiraled downhill. His closest model friends died in a freak gasoline fight accident, his family rejected him when he tried returning to his old life in New Jersey, and the fashion world itself began treating him as outdated and disposable. Lost and desperate for purpose, Derek unknowingly became the perfect pawn for the corrupt designer Jacobim Mugatu, who brainwashed him into assassinating the Prime Minister of Malaysia as part of a conspiracy to preserve child labor within the fashion industry.

But throughout this ridiculous conspiracy, Derek slowly realized there was more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. With the help of journalist Matilda Jeffries, who initially mocked him before genuinely falling in love with him, and even his former rival Hansel, Derek uncovered Mugatu’s plan and saved the Prime Minister before the assassination could happen. For the first time in his life, Derek found something real beyond superficial fame. He and Matilda eventually married and had a son together, Derek Zoolander Jr., while Derek opened the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too, finally giving meaning to a life that once revolved entirely around appearances… and here’s where the sequels split.

In one continuity, only two days after the Center opened, it collapsed due to sabotaged construction, killing Matilda. Consumed by guilt and eventually losing custody of his son, Derek disappeared from the public eye until he and Hansel were dragged back into the fashion world to investigate a string of celebrity murders connected to Blue Steel, with a glimpse of his telepathy coming back in the game. In the other continuity, Matilda and Derek instead broke up, while Derek and Hansel somehow became actual superheroes, saving the celebrity world from absurd fashion related threats. Hansel relied on his “Hanselventions” and acrobatic skills to save the day, while Derek’s signature looks evolved into literal superpowers instead of just being limited to Magnum. After battling show-of-the-week villains like Dr. Botoxo and Paparocto, Matilda was kidnapped and the team had to face all of their countless villains at the same time, led by the 10 year old Nani, a girl obsessed with worldwide fashion domination. They eventually rescued Matilda from the evil child mastermind, and the couple reignited their flame again. Regardless of continuity, though, Derek never truly lost his sincerity. Beneath the exaggerated poses, clueless behavior, and manufactured celebrity image was someone constantly searching for purpose and genuine human connection in an industry that only valued him for his appearance.

Zohan Dvir

He was once the greatest soldier in his field and a legend among his colleagues, but Zohan Dvir desired more out of life. He was tired of the constant violence in his life and craved something more meaningful and peaceful. So when Zohan was sent out on his next mission, he didn’t plan on coming back alive. He would confront his rival: The Phantom in combat and they would engage in a game of grenade ping pong in the ocean. Before the grenade went off, Zohan and Phantom dived into the water to avoid the blast. But only Phantom arose from the waves. Thinking he had finally killed his lifelong enemy, he celebrated as Zohan watched from underneath the water. He then swam out to sea and caught a plane to America, New York City. After landing, Zohan would go under the name: Scrappy Coco, and would begin his pursuit in his true passion… Hair styling.

People didn’t take him seriously at first but Zohan was dedicated to his passion and refused to give in and work somewhere like a discount electronics store. He’d then find his way in at Dalia’s salon and quickly became the most desired hairstylist in the city. Zohan would soon fall in love with Dalia and would confess his feelings for her, but was rejected due to inter-ethnic issues and his military background. Zohan would accept this rejection and leave, soon finding the Phantom at a local hacky sack tournament. But their rematch would have to wait, as Zohan was alerted to a group of white supremacists attacking a neighbourhood populated by Israelis and Palestinians. These two groups would blame each other for these attacks but Zohan would calm the conflict and with The Phantom, they would put aside their differences and defend the neighborhood from these arsonists, then work together to perform “the sound”, finishing off the last of the assailants and disarming their bomb. With the threat over, Zohan would go on to live a peaceful life in America and dancing to disco music with Dalia.

Skill & Experience

Derek Zoolander

There’s really not that much to say here given the movies are mostly comedic and all that… but we can still dig a bit into Derek as a fighter. For starters, his modeling career always forced him to be at his peak physical condition, which is even a relevant plot point on why male models were always manipulated into countless conspiracies across time. His biggest strength has never been intelligence, but Derek constantly found himself caught in dangerous situations and yet somehow managed to pull through them through a mix of improvisation, luck and genuine instinct. In terms of fighting skills, while brainwashed by Mugatu, Derek was specifically trained to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia, even being taught forms of karate and close combat to carry out the mission. Although he’s far from a disciplined fighter, Derek still displays decent prowess, as he can simultaneously fight Evil and Regular Kanye West, beating them both hand to hand. His agility should also be comparable to Hansel’s, who in Super Model is capable of highly acrobatic movements and combat skills. And despite his reputation as an airhead, Derek occasionally shows surprising cleverness when under pressure. During Super Model, he was able to outsmart Paparazzo by tricking him into electrocuting himself, and has repeatedly managed to disrupt the plans of far more intelligent opponents through quick thinking or exploiting their overconfidence.

Zohan Dvir

“He’s the greatest Israeli soldier the world has ever known”. Zohan has been active in combat ever since he was a small child, stating that he killed at least 7 men by the age of 6. Zohan is a soldier, but we never actually see him doing much actual military combat, rather just doing crazy shit with his super human physicality. He’s incredibly agile, being able to leap and parkour across roof tops with ease and is clearly above most people he comes across, not only in strength but straight up skill. So much so that he’s capable of performing missions that’d require entire groups of men by himself. The people around him also just know this, so they’ll basically try to get him to do it without directly asking. He has knowledge of nerve pinches, is skillful with a vast variety of firearms and explosives and even has his own martial arts moves that run off… Adam Sandler movie logic. There’s the foot uppercut, which defies gravity as Zohan can uppercut a man with both feet without falling. There’s also the Pretzel, which is him just physically tying a human being into a pretzel shape.

He can fight several men at once and Zohan is the rival of the fellow superhuman and warrior: The Phantom. While they become friends in the end, they had spent years fighting each other and are portrayed as near equals physically and in terms of battle prowess. They teamed up at the end of the move to thwart a greedy billionaire from sabotaging their neighborhood, taking down several armed goons and destroying a time bomb in the process. Zohan might not be the brightest guy, and his true passion lies in hair styling, but Zohan is a heavily skilled combatant.

Equipment and Vehicles

Derek Zoolander

Z-Plane

Think of the supermodel version of the Batcave all compacted inside of the Batwing, with aerodynamics more questionable than Gru’s ship.

Zohan Dvir

Firearms

The man himself is deadlier than any weapon, but he’s got a few in his back pocket. He’s got an IMI Uzi, a Jericho 941 RB Impact and a Micro Galil assault rifle. He never actually uses a gun in the movie, but he does own them technically.

Hair Cutting Kit

Hair styling is where Zohan’s true passion lies. He’s got hair dryers, razors, shampoos and of course scissors. Of which he’ll hurl like a ninja star.

Spy Glasses

A pair of very much not incognito goggles. They can see through clothing and give Zohan a detailed rundown of his target. Including their name, occupation, likes and dislikes.

Ping Pong Paddle

We think he actually pulls this thing out of his ass. Nonetheless, he uses it to play ping pong with Phantom using a live hand grenade.

Abilities

Derek Zoolander

Magnum

The first glimpse of his superpowers, the one and only, Magnum. It’s basic psychokinesis, where he saved the Prime Minister of Malaysia from a Magnum Ninja Star.

Blue Steel

In Zoolander 2, Derek’s iconic look was able to telekinetically catch a bomb before it fell into a pool of lava and blast Mugatu into a wall hard enough to crack it. In Super Model, it's a bit different, as it is so powerful it could dismantle an evil carpet venom-esque creature.

Helvetica Bold

Another psychokinesis attack that Derek used, this time to wrap Paparocto with his own arms.

Magnetic North

And another psychokinesis attack that Derek used, this time to wrap Nani with a banner.

Lyrical Beauty of a Terrance Malik Film

Psychokinesis again, used to lift a truck really high.

Chewy

Derek sends out a ray that can make things explode.

Volumize and Hold

It can create force fields, used to counter flames from a dragon.

Norwegian Fury

Another force field, used to counter Dr Botoxo's throwing scalpels.

Chai Latte

When suspicious of what could be the disguise of the Evil Red Carpet, given it has morphing abilities, Derek used this move that can make clothes disintegrate on the poor Scarlett Johansson.

Hot Mess Look

Self explanatory, it burns things. Just make sure you have burned everything you need from a regenerating evil alien carpet.

Disintegrating Look

It doesn't have an official name, but he was really angry at Hansel.

Collapsing Look

Another no named power used to kill the Star F***er. The speed it takes for the target to disappear seems to depend on the mass.

Liquid Ice

Seems like some sort of generic force beam he can rapid fire.

Double Rainbow

A bigger rainbow beam that clearly comes with a punch.

Crush Donney

Just another force beam, nothing impressive.

Plastic Surgery

Can instantly give you a plastic surgery in the regions Derek selects, free for you to regret and call a doctor desperately. What is his problem?

Gunther Geiger Grooming

It can be used to trap enemies in place, but if someone is strong enough they can break out of it.

Static Cleaning

Do you know what the static effect (or static electricity) is? That's basically it, he used to grab guns from police cops telepathically and they went flying to his face.

Psychic Parachute

What's the point of doing this if he can literally fly?

Jungle Fever

It can cast vines to grow off the ground and they're really durable.

Multivitamin

Derek's newest ultimate look in this continuity, it's used to create clones. Despite the animation here looking like he only created 6 clones, he actually created at least 11 Dereks (as seen in later GIFs), leaving 12 counting the original.

Windburn

It makes a really strong gust of wind that blows wigs away

Hashtag Zoolander

It’s basically an electrocuting ray, with average electricity (not thunder) powers. Sorry Megamind fans.

Falcon Claw

Derek can use Falcon Claw to fly, but given the next ability, we imagine this makes him slightly stronger too, given the yellow aura.

Purple Flying

Unnamed power that is the same thing as Falcon Claw but purple.

Flight

Reused GIF, we know. Anyways, he doesn’t need Falcon Claw or other looks to fly off apparently, weeeeeee….

Phallic Control

He can move his giant little friend at will.

Glutes Control

He can shake his ass without moving the rest of his body. His butt is so majestic it gave a man a heart attack.

Partial Invisibility

He made parts of his belly invisible so a little girl could see his insides and understand the effects of what a supermodel diet does to the body.

4th Wall Awareness

He's just aware that there's an audience and nothing more.

Resistances
  • Extreme heat: Don’t you sometimes wish that you could have a lava pool party with your good friend Owen Wilson? Well, Derek was able to live out said wish as he and Hansel were fine after jumping straight into boiling lava
  • Electricity: seemed fine when he used himself to shock Paparocto, makes sense when combined with the fact he also has electric attacks

Zohan Dvir

Limited Shape-shifting

While in pursuit of Phantom, Zohan caught a bunch of rocks thrown by kids and merged them together into the shape of a dog.

Super Speed

Zohan not only could swim at subsonic speeds to catch up to a jetski, but later in the movie he just pulls a Flash on a group of thugs.

Inhuman Stamina

Zohan has insinuated he fucks around 12 times a day rather regularly, if not more. It's also a point made in the film that nothing can hurt this guy and he never once even breaks a sweat.

Limited Telekinesis/Body Control

In a flashback, Zohan once had his hand chopped off but it did little to slow him down. He could still control and levitate it, killing his capture with his own knife. He then celebrated with a refreshing drink. Zohan also seemingly just reattached his hand and it healed off screen.

Levitation

One of Zohan's go-to moves is the “feet uppercut”, which he can somehow do with both feet at the same time without touching the ground.

The Sonic Power

Otherwise called “the sound”, Zohan can weaponize his voice for destructive and explosive results in his environment. He also used this to short out a bomb that was going to wipe out the entire block and kill some puppies.

Resistances

Forms

Derek Zoolander

Stone Phillips

While technically it’s nothing more than one of his look abilities, it modifies his body enough to be considered as a form. With this look, he can turn into a stone-like statue that is so durable it can fall from great heights and break ceilings and keep himself completely intact. It has a drawback though, as he is completely unable to move while under this form.

Fat Zoolander

Dr. Botoxo had a ray that made him and Hansel fat ough, they got washed in the model community, it was later undone. Themes and such man I don’t know.

Zohan Dvir

Scrappy Coco

Zohan’s alter ego when going incognito and trying to start his new life in New York City. The name comes from two dogs he shared a kennel with on his plane ride over.

Support

Derek Zoolander

…himself?

After using Multivitamin, the clones seemed to stay permanently, as they helped in the fight until the end. Originally 12, one of them died, leaving the group to 11 Dereks.

Zohan Dvir

Animals

Throughout the film Zohan has an occasional animal friend to help him out with some task. Pelicans will carry around bags of supplies for him and he has befriended some dogs and a goat that could fetch him soup too. He’s also played hacky sack with a house cat.

Feats

Derek Zoolander

Overall
  • Won VH1 Male Model of the Year many times before Hansel ruined his streak
  • Survived the freak gasoline fight accident that tragically killed all his friends except himself
  • Saved the Prime Minister of Malaysia by stopping a shuriken inches away from his face with Magnum
  • Founded the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too
  • Infiltrated the secretive “Fashion Illuminati” responsible for manipulating world events from the shadows
  • Reunited with his son and defeated Mugatu for good
  • Got milked once

Power

Speed

Durability

Zohan Dvir

Overall
  • Casually bangs 12 times a day
  • Can do missions meant for a dozen men by himself
  • Killed 7 men by age 6
  • Made Melami Benazir eat his own shit in 97’
  • Became the most desired hair dresser in New York City
  • Has defeated the Phantom in the past, but they put their differences aside to save their neighborhood.
  • By virtue of being the greatest Israeli soldier the world has ever known, is probably a fan of your favorite franchise

Power

Speed

Durability

Scaling

Derek Zoolander

Misc Zoolander Characters

Derek’s super model looking powers are capable of restraining and killing a lot of his allies and villains, so scaling to them is a no brainer.

Zohan Dvir

The Phantom

The Phantom is Zohan’s rival, and they have fought multiple times, being shown to be comparable to one another. Scaling should be fairly simple.

Weaknesses

Derek Zoolander

Well, there’s no beating around the bush, Derek is very stupid and constantly quotes things incorrectly. Somehow, this still never stopped him from saving the celebrity world as a superhero. Even with all his luck, though, he’s far from optimal all the time. The easiest way to defeat the Red Evil Carpet would’ve been using Chai Latte immediately, but instead he kept relying on Blue Steel and Hot Mess, which only let the villain secretly regenerate again. Another major weakness is that his powers depend on his ability to actually perform his looks, so if something compromises that, like blinding him, he basically loses access to his abilities altogether. He’s also vulnerable to mind control, otherwise the entire first movie literally would not have happened. If any JJK fans are reading this, please don't have a boner, but he's also a victim of bad piercing durability. Also, both of his sequels suck ass. Holy shit.

Zohan Dvir

The biggest downside of being the greatest Israeli soldier is the fact that you’re still the greatest Israeli soldier. I don’t think we need to explain that one any further.

Verdict

Skill

This one is a breeze to explain and there's really not much room to disagree. Derek surprisingly shows a lot of competence and skill when it comes to fighting and martial arts, even more surprisingly showing a lot of cleverness to defeat quite a league of villains, but it will ultimately fall flat in comparison against a guy who has been active in combat ever since he was a small child and has professional military training. Hell, he is the greatest soldier from his country, and despite the movie having a lot of vagueposting, it would just be ridiculous to argue Zoolander can compete.

Skill unfortunately goes to Zohan.

Speed

This category is also fairly easy to explain. Throughout the movies, Derek basically never performs any notable speed feat. Stopping the ninja star is fairly impressive, but in terms of Raw Calculable Scaling it falls pretty short. In Super Model, he receives quite the upgrade. Thanks to scaling to Hansel, who consistently performs feats at around Mach 0.41, Zoolander comfortably sits in the subsonic range. Zohan, however, is a different beast. Not only does he visibly move with super speed in scenes such as in the one where he dismantles a machine gun, but he can also literally catch bullets in the air. His best feat would be dodging an RPG in mid-air by doing a backflip, which lands at Mach 1.41. Although Derek has Mach 1 attack speeds with Hashtag Zoolander, Zohan would still exceed his reaction speeds by 3.4x.

Zohan unfortunately cuts ahead in speed too.

Power

Surprisingly, this is where the scales start to tilt in Zoolander’s favor (thank god), but let’s start with Zohan. The greatest Israeli soldier the world has ever known is capable of casually putting his feet through walls, which gets up to 107 Kilojoules. He can also lift a large vat of Hummus and even stop a Humvee by just standing in its way, with the numbers for the latter reaching 1.05 to 1.16 MegaJoules. Assuming Zohan is capable of somewhat harming himself, his attack power should also scale to that value.

If you just watch the movies, you would probably think Zoolander is at best a peak human character, and is thus completely outmatched here. Mugatu can snap necks, Hansel can break a table by falling, the cast can crack a wall and send Mugatu flying, nothing too crazy compared to Zohan’s crazier showings. However, with the Super Model cartoon, Zoolander gets much, MUCH better showings and scaling. The fact that everyone can make larger holes in walls than Zohan notwithstanding, Hansel and Derek can also both get beat up by Hulk Maury, who can make a hole in the ground yielding 1.71 MegaJoules just by falling. Not only that, but Hansel and Derek can also bust a huge hole in a wall physically too, a feat that can yield values of 2.58 to 8.92 MegaJoules for each. Hardly inconsistent, as Derek himself is capable of flying through multiple floors of a building, yielding 3.64 MegaJoules. Physically, this puts Derek with a physical strength and durability advantage of at least 3.13x to 7.68x. But that’s not all. Thanks to his many different Looks, Derek has access to a beam that can destroy a giant robot, yielding 7.73 Tons of TNT, eclipsing Zohan’s own physicals by at least 27881x. Not only that, but his vines summoned with Jungle Fever can restrain Giant Lady Gaga, who can fall over the Arc de Triomphe and shatter its top, which would need at least 32.495 Tons of TNT, an advantage in power of at least 117204.8x. Since Zoolander’s looks are basically psychic powers, it’s not a jump to say they should have similar energy yields to each other, giving Derek several offensive options that can one shot Zohan, force fields that would be impervious to his attacks, or just restraining options that would incapacitate him.

Zoolander struts ahead in power.

Abilities

We won’t beat around the bush here, this category is a slam dunk for Zoolander. Zohan is skilled in martial arts, can basically turn any object he has on hand into a deadly weapon, has superhuman agility and all that, but that's small potatoes compared to the versatility that Derek’s looks bring to the table.

To give Zohan his flowers, the heat based beams would not instantly melt him because of his impressive heat resistances, but that’s where his advantages end. While his sound power looks impressive, there is too much context involving it to actually make it that useful here. First off, it is not exactly a concussive sound blast or anything, it merely causes unexplainable chain reactions such as short fusing bombs and breaking glass. Not only that, but it requires a certain amount of time to have an effect on anything. While it did stop a terrorist on his tracks, it was just a pretty loud sound to every normal person in the vicinity. Given it’s a sustained sound, it can be interrupted by just stopping the user from singing, which Zoolander is more than capable of doing.

Starting with Zoolander’s defensive powers and mobility tools, he can fly. Zohan cannot. This puts Derek ahead in mobility by default, even with Zohan’s advantage in reaction speeds, as the supermodel would have casual access to an entire new movement axis that Zohan cannot access, and makes it easier to either close or create distance between them. In terms of defensive tools, Zoolander’s force fields can cover wide areas and are perfectly suited for blocking projectiles. Coincidentally, they were already used to block Dr. Botoxo’s scalpels, which were thrown in a similar fashion (ha!) to Zohan’s scissors. In terms of offense, Zoolander already has this in the bag as well. With multiple beams that can project force, cause explosions, incinerate, electrocute or even erase things entirely, it’s easy to see why Zohan is severely outgunned. Not only that, but Derek also has access to several Looks that can restrain Zohan, be it with vines from the ground or other objects from the environment. Given Zoolander’s powers are far stronger than Zohan’s physicals, any Look that lands WILL put Zohan out for good. This also means that Zohan has zero means to bypass Derek’s defenses, as the force fields would just block him out. Consider, as well, that there are 11 Zoolanders fighting at the same time thanks to Multivitamin. Not only do they all have the same powers as the original, but they’re quite good at teamwork, superseding Zohan’s speed advantage even harder by making it basically impossible for the super agent to pin him down or defend against the onslaught.

Zoolander takes power in the purse bag.

Mogging

Now for the most important category. Zohan is no slouch for sure, boasting a certainly… unique style in clothes and hair. With his natural charisma he’s able to seduce any lonely housewife he comes across in his hair salon, which is in itself pretty impressive, but we gotta face it: Zohan is a big fish in a small pond. Not only is Zoolander in far better shape in his prime, (just compare the coal mine scene in Zoolander with the beach scene in Zohan, Derek’s muscles are clearly more defined) but his face is far more chiseled. Just think about it, Zohan is pretty popular among a few dozen people, while Zoolander remained at the top of the (extremely competitive) modeling world of his universe, dressing in the most prestigious fashion by the best stylists on the planet, and has been perfecting his craft since he was a child. His look is so majestic it can BREAK PHYSICS. It’s not really hard to see why Zoolander mogs.

Summary

Derek Zoolander

Advantages:

  • Physically stronger
  • Way more versatile
  • Can one shot with any of his powers
  • More mobile
  • Outnumbers by 11 times
  • Far better ranged options
  • Far better defenses

Disadvantages:

  • Stupid
  • Slower
  • Less skilled and experienced

Zohan Dvir

Advantages:

  • Faster
  • More skilled and experienced
  • Could resist the heat from Derek’s Look blasts

Disadvantages:

  • Physically weaker
  • Way less versatile
  • Is one shot by any of Zoolander’s powers
  • Worse mobility
  • Outnumbered
  • Outranged
  • Worse defenses
  • Pro-Zionism

Conclusion

This result is unexpected, not only because of the winner but also because of how close it ended up being. Despite having a decent speed advantage and better skill, Zohan would at best case scenario be capable of taking one of the Zoolanders down by abusing their bad piercing durability via his guns or hair saloon tools. Conversely, Zoolander is physically stronger and can literally one shot by looking at him hard enough, be it via disintegration, exploding, using deadly vines, performing deadly plastic surgery on him, etc. And if that wasn’t enough, it’s not impossible for Zohan to have a heart attack by looking at his ass. Zohan just shouldn’t have gone to this deadly disco with a male model. The winner is Derek Zoolander.

Final Tally

Derek Zoolander (4): Kaiser, Flip, Garf, Grimes

Zohan Dvir (0): Free Palestine, this blog wouldn't have been done if he won

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Mewtwo vs Shadow (Pokemon vs Sonic the Hedgehog)

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  (L.A.D.)     (Strunton) (Strunton) (Kaiser) (Flip) ( Aggravating_Floor) (ishi_yuki) (ishi_yuki) (Mau) Thumbnails from Fans (Roxx) (Pasbros) (SonallyKingKatang) (Shantie) (Cabbage) Meme Thumbnails (Kaiser) (Flip) (Flip) “Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.” -Albert Einstein Introduction Mewtwo , the Ultimate Pokémon. Shadow the Hedgehog , the Ultimate Lifeform. Creation comes with purpose. Given life by genius scientists with the DNA of an alien after failed attempts, they were the hope of a doctor to rescue a beloved girl; the ultimate attempt of salvation. However, what if this purpose is turned into tragedy right before their eyes? Everything goes wrong - they couldn’t do what they were born to do. Taking the lives of who they treasured, these lifeforms swore a thing to humanity: revenge. But even after all the anger and loss; all the questioning about life, they would realize what they truly were, and thus give up their act of villa...
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